I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
no you cant smoke seaweed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
