Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
