We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
