My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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