So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
