i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
