I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
