my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
