Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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