you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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