I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
