thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
