gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
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I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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