It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
