Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
