We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
