Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
