In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
