Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
