I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
