You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
