Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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