Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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