So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
