I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize