im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize