I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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