i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The beer is more important than you right now.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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