Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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