I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
