I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
