Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
