My hand turned me down
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
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