Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
