So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
