girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
