..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
