Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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