so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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