If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
