You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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