My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm passing your future prison.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
