He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
