my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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