margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
