He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
