I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
