why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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