He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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