please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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