I am midnight drunk by noon
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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