he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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