I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
