My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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