You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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