Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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