i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
