i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your penis caused this!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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