I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
