you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
