Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They took my balls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
