I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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