Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
